Walking Away - June 6, 2011

I stood on stage, looking out at the hundreds of people staring at me, waiting for me to start singing. I gulped loudly as I placed my hand over the strings of my acoustic guitar. I took a deep breath and moved my mouth near the microphone.

“This next song, I wrote last night.” I paused, trying to catch my breath. “It’s very personal to me and possibly one of saddest I’ve written. Hope you all like it” I finished off as I took a step away from the microphone, turning to face my band. I nodded at them to signal them to start playing the beat.

 The song I was gearing up to sing was about my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now. I had broken his heart too many times and this time he had left me. Remember the quote “You never know what you have ‘til it’s gone.” Well that’s what happened with me. He was the best I could ever have dreamed of having, but of course, I managed to mess it up and end up losing the greatest guy in my life.

I started playing my guitar, waiting till the right time, and then I started singing. I held my mouth close to the microphone as I sung out the lyrics.

“Baby, why’d you leave me? I know I can be hard at times.” I sung out, holding back the tears as memories flooded my mind. I looked up at the crowd to find them all swaying with the beat, all caught up in the song. Some dabbed their eyes as slight tears appeared in them, while others nodded their head to the beat.

I finished off the song a while later I looked down at my feet until the music stopped completely and then looking back up again to the crowd.

I took a moment of two to calm myself down. I looked away from the crowd to wipe a tear that had fallen down my foundation filled cheeks. As I turned back to face the crowded, I heard a cheer going around. A smile made its way up to my face as I remembered how I loved being up on stage, how much I loved performing for my fans.

I stepped closer to the microphone and starting speaking. “I really hope you enjoyed yourself tonight, because I know I did. I have the best fans in the entire world.” I took a deep breath as I found the courage to do what I was about to do. “I’ve had an amazing career and its all thanks to each and every one of you. Recently I have been feeling quite out of place but tonight, I felt right again. But I’m afraid that I have to do this now, because I’ll have to do it sooner or later.”

I watched the faces I could see from the glaring light pointing directly at me. I sighed as I looked down at my feet again, which were close to the bunch of wires that held on the corner of the stage. “I’m leaving this business” I spat out, scrunching my eyes shut, as I waiting for their reaction.

“Don’t leave” I heard a chant making its way towards the stage.

I smiled as I looked out at the wonderful crowd again. “I’m sorry guys, you all are the best people and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to inspire you but my times up in this business. My contract is ending and I want to start a new chapter in my life. Leaving this life behind and starting fresh. I hope you all understand.” I told them as I started to turn around.

“Please don’t go!” I heard a voice call out from the first row of people standing.

I turned around to find a little girl, standing with what I presumed to be her older sister.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but I have to” I told her, stretching my hand out to reach her. When she took my hand I helped her up on stage, giving her tight hug.

“Please, you’ve been my inspiration to live. I look up to you. And I know so many other people that feel the same way as me.” She said, pausing to look back at the girl who was next to her. “My sister has type 1 diabetes. But she managed to convince our parents to letting her come to this concert.” She paused. The crowd by this type was mute. The only sound was of the young girl talking. “To be honest, we didn’t have to convince them much because they like you, and they don’t like most Hollywood people.” She said, looking up at me, gazing deeply into my eyes with a pleading look. “She looks up to you, you’re the only reason she’s here right now. She went into a depressed state, but when you became a singer, she wanted to live. She wanted to be able to do the things she did before.” She finished off, looking behind to see tears on her sister’s cheek.

I stepped off the stage and walked towards her sister. I saw her looking up, with teary eyes, she quietly sobbed. I went to stand next to her and hugged her from the side staying there for a moment.

“Even though I won’t be there to inspire you, promise me you won’t lose hope” I told her, tear forming in my own eyes. “I did what I came to do. I inspired people in the right way and I couldn’t ask for anything more.” I told her, while wiping the tears that rolled down her cheek gently. “Follow your dreams and someday, you’ll be surprised at what you’ve come to achieve, I am right now.” I smiled at her, waiting for a smile to occur on her face.

She stopped crying and turned her head to look upwards at me. “I’m not the only one out there. You’re probably the only star out there, worth looking up to. You don’t know what I’ve been through and I don’t want to be hurt anymore.” She said, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes.

“You want to know what my dream was when I was your age.” I asked her, watching her nod in agreement. “I wanted to be like my dad, I worked hard each and every day to make my dad proud. I’m a middle child and you don’t know how hard it was for me. People think that middle children are annoying and what not. But they don’t know what we go through. I spent day by day, thinking that I wasn’t good enough for my family. I thought I was adopted, I thought that if I was killed, or seriously injured they wouldn’t care.” I said, looking up at the ceiling, sniffing as tears made their way down my cheek. “I’m leaving because I can’t handle this life. It’s too crazy for me. I’m not made for this kind of attention. I love all of you guys and I always will, but it’s time for me to go.”

“If you loved us you wouldn’t leave” a voice from the crowd said.

“You’re leaving because Jesse broke up with you” another voice said.

“Don’t do this” another said.

“I’m sorry” was all I said as I walked back up on stage, making my way to the microphone again. “You’ve all been my life for the past two years. But now you are your own life, and don’t let anyone change that.” I finished off as I walked backstage, grabbing my bags from my dressing room and then making my way to my limousine, where I cried all the way to the airport.

I walked into the airport, a trolley in front of me being pushed by me, with my sunglasses on. I walked towards the check in desks, checking myself and my baggage in as I gave all the necessary information. As she gave me my boarding pass, I walked to the side where all the trolleys were held in order to place mine there as well. I thought I heard my name being called but wasn’t sure, so I continued down the path to the trolley stand. I heard a voice again, but this time I turned around to find a certain boy running towards me.

He approached me with a furious look on his face as I gulped, remembering this expression he had when he broke up with me. I looked around me trying to find a way to escape his gaze, turning around while doing so. I lifted my foot to take a step but felt a voice right behind me.

“Don’t you dare take another step Francessa Stewart!” he said wrathfully.

I gulped scared, since I hadn’t expected him to come after me. “What Jesse? What do you want now?” I said, turning around to face him, trying to act brave but becoming jelly once I saw his handsome perfectly structured face.

“To know why the hell I’m hearing from my fans that I should go after you, while I’m walking down the street. To know why I’m being asked more questions than usual about you and me. And to know where the heck you think you’re going?” he said, asking me a number of questions one after the other.

“Look, I don’t know any reason why you need to know the answer to any of those questions. You’ll find out soon enough anyway, you always do.” I told him. “What I don’t understand is why are you here? You broke up with me, and I don’t get why you would care where I went.” I asked him, confused yet hopeful of his answer.

“Psht, I don’t care where you go, I was just...curious.” he said, as my heart instantly fell as I believed him.

“Well then, good bye Jesse” I said, as I turned my back towards him but felt a hand grab my arm.

He turned me with force so by body crashed onto his and our faces were inches apart. He blew on my lips purposely as he started talking. “You know I’ve always been a good liar” he said, leaning in further till our lips were brushing each other.

My eyes closed as if on cue and Jesse’s lips came onto mine, gently at first but then turned more passionate as all the passion between them returned, making up for the lost time.

Eventually they let go of one another and placed their foreheads on the others, breathing heavy from the passionate kiss that they just shared.

“I’m sorry for leaving you, I should never have believed a stupid gossip site” he muttered to me, kissing my closed eyelids.

“Jesse?” I spoke as I lifted her head up.

“Hmm?” he groaned.

“This doesn’t change the fact that I’m leaving” I told him, un-willing to leave his embrace.

“What?” his head shot up as he heard my words.

“I’m sorry, I’ve made my decision, and I’m leaving.” I told him, looking up as they made an announcement for my flight. “That’s me. Good bye Jesse, I will always love you.” I told him, as I slipped a hand inside of my bag, pulling out a note and handing it to him. I kissing him lightly on his lips and then walking away, hoping he would stop me. When he didn’t, I continued walking to the security.

Two Years Later...

I walked into my shared apartment with my recent best friend, Sarah Louis, calling out her name.

“Sarah! I’m going to go take a shower.” I told her as I walked into my bedroom, getting all my necessities and then walking to the bathroom. Half an hour later, I walked into my bedroom with a towel wrapped around my body as I had forgotten to bring my clothes with me to the bathroom. I looked up as I entered to find someone sitting on my bed.

“Jesse!!! What the hell are you doing here?” I yelled at him, trying to tighten my grip on the towel.

“You quit the business nine months ago...” he said, no hint of emotion on his face.

“Yes but...” I trailed off as he cut me off.

“You left me, nine months ago.” He said, still having a straight expression.

“Jesse, why are you...” he cut me off again.

“You broke me, nine months ago.” He said, as he got up from his position on my bed and made his way towards me. As he came closer, my heart rate sped up as if it had just hit the accelerator. He brought his hands to cup my face and leaned in slightly.

“If you step away, if you leave me again I will hurt you.” he said, as he finally lowered his lips onto hers, knowing he could never hurt her.

After a while he pulled away, breathing hard as he tried to calm himself down. He hands slide over to her shoulders blades, griping them gently but tightly.

“You better not leave me, because if you do, I won’t give you another chance” I told him, making him look at me again, and then crashing my lips down onto his with both of us smiling through the kiss.

-Sania Sahgal