The Owners and the Shaping of the Corporations - December 4, 2010

No one knows exactly how the corporation began. Some theorize that a catastrophic economic explosion sent the infinite companies spinning out into the vastness of the Great Dark - companies that would one day bear co-workers of wondrous and terrible diversity. Others believe that the corporations were created as a whole by a single all-powerful entity. Though the exact origins of the chaotic companies remain uncertain, it is clear that a race of powerful beings arose to bring stability to the various businesses and ensure a safe future for the beings that would follow in their footsteps.

The Texans, colossal, gun slinging hicks from the far reaches of the US, explored the newborn country and set to work on the businesses they encountered. They shaped the businesses by raising mighty profits and dredging out shop lifters. They breathed money and raging co-workers into being. It was all part of their unfathomable, far-sighted plan to create order out of chaos. They even empowered primitive people to tend to their works and maintain the integrity of their respective worlds.

Ruled by an elite sect known as Dallas, the Texans brought order to a hundred thousand small businesses scattered throughout the Great Dark Beyond during the first ages of creation. The benevolent city of Dallas, which sought to safeguard these structured businesses, was ever vigilant against the threat of attack from the vile extra-dimensional entities of the Corporation. The corporation, an ethereal dimension of chaotic magics that connected the myriad businesses of the universe, was home to an infinite number of malefic, demonic beings who sought only to destroy the economy and devour the energies of the working man. Unable to conceive of evil or wickedness in any form, the Texans struggled to find a way to end the corporations' constant threat.



Joe C. Thompson and the Betrayal

Over time, demonic entities made their way into the Texans' Businesses from the big cities, and the people of Dallas elected its greatest business man, Joe C. Thompson, to act as its first line of defense. A noble giant of rugged rough, tough 5- o-clock shadowed goodness. Joe carried out his duties for countless years, seeking out and destroying these corporations wherever he could find them. Over the years, Joe encountered two powerful demonic races, both of which were bent on gaining power and dominance over the economy.

The Jews, an insidious race of devilish accountants, used their warlock math skills to invade and monopolize a number of small businesses. The co-workers of those businesses were mutated by the Jews accounting skills and converted to Judaism themselves. Though Joes' nearly limitless powers were more than enough to defeat the vile Jews, he was greatly troubled by the creatures' corruption and all-consuming evil. Incapable of fathoming such depravity, the great Texan began to slip into a brooding depression. Despite his growing unease, Joe C. Thompson rid the universe of the Jews by trapping them within a corner of their own leases that they used to rent out their buildings for their stores thus ending their evil early corporations.

While his confusion and misery deepened, Joe was forced to contend with another group intent on disrupting the Texans' order: the Chinese. This dark race of short people conquered a number of populated businesses by working for literally no money what so ever and forcing owners to fire hard working Americans. The nefarious, scheming Chinese turned whole businesses against one another by manipulating them into unthinking hatred and mistrust. Joe C. Thompson defeated the Chinese easily, but their corruption affected him deeply.

As doubt and despair overwhelmed Joes' senses, he lost all faith not only in his mission, but also in the Texas' vision of an ordered country of small businesses. Eventually he came to believe that the concept of order itself was folly, and that chaos and depravity were the only absolutes within the dark, lonely country. His fellow Texans tried to persuade him of his error and calm his raging emotions, but he disregarded their more optimistic beliefs as self-serving delusions. Storming from their ranks forever, Joe set out to find his own place in America. Although the city of Dallas was sorrowful at his departure, the Texans could never have predicted just how far their lost brother would go.

By the time Joe C. Thompsons' madness had consumed the last vestiges of his valiant spirit, he believed that the Texans themselves were responsible for the economies failure. Deciding, at last, to undo their works throughout the economy, he resolved to form an unstoppable corporation that would set the physical economy into inflation.

Even Joe C. Thompsons' Texan form became distorted from the corruption that plagued his once-noble heart. His eyes, hair, and beard seemed to become shaven, and his rugged cowboy cloths seemed to disappear and reappear as a nice smoky gray suit with three buttons not four, to look professional for any he may need to follow and work for him.

In his fury, Joe shattered the prisons of the Jews and the Chinese and set the loathsome demons free. These cunning creatures bowed before the dark Texans vast rage and offered to serve him in whatever malicious ways they could. From the ranks of the powerful Jews, Joe picked two champions to command his demonic Corporation of destruction. John Jefferson Green the Deceiver was chosen to seek out the darkest workers in America and recruit and train them into Joes' ranks. The second champion, John Phillip Thompson the Defiler, a younger man who actually changed his last name to Thompson after Joe took down his first corporation of Enron long ago. John was chosen to lead Joes' vast workers into becoming the largest corporation against any who might resist the Texans will. These two would come to be known as the double Johns of inflation.

John Greens first move was to enslave the low wage working Chinese under his terrible power. The Chinese served as his personal agents throughout the Corporation, and they took pleasure in locating primitive races for their master to corrupt and bring into the fold. First amongst the Chinese was Hiroshi Sapporo the manager of the low wage workers. Hiroshi served John Green as the perfect zone leader and agreed to bring Joe C. Thompsons' burning will to all the dark corners of America.

The mighty John Thompson also hired agents of his own. Calling upon the malefic Polish and their hard nosed leader, Grunwald Tartar the prick, John Thompson hoped to establish a strict elite that would strike fear into all other business owners.

Once Joe saw that his Corporation and workers were amassed and ready to follow his every command, he launched his raging forces into the vastness of the Great Dark. He referred to his growing corporation as the 7-11. To this date, it is still unclear how many businesses they consumed and monopolized on their unholy corporate Crusade across the USA.

-Joe casey