The Dairy of Ebony Rose - December 30, 2010
Back-round: there was a girl named Ebony Rose she was best friends with a chick named Emily Heart since the 1st grade. been through average teenage stuff. but they were growing apart. Ebony loved music and writing Emily loved being popular. she was sleeping with guys left and right. Ebony just let them fall apart. Ebony had no other real best friend starting high school.
First day, sucked! i ate lunch by myself. no one talked to me! Emily gave me dirty looks all day. Her friends pushed me and called me "emo" "Gothic freak" what should i do take it or say something. I know Emily will deny ever knowing me.
Second day, not much better i think I'm gonna hate high school. But there is this guy in my French class super-hot my hot dark clothes eyeliner chains :)
Third day, so his name is Chase he's sweet we're gonna hang soon...
Day 27, progress reports came out French A, English A, Art A, Math F ): mom is grounding me can’t see Chase (I'm really starting to like him!) soooo I'm gonna get a math smartie to help get my grade up there's this nerd named Seth he's REALLY smart sooo i think I'll ask him.
Day 30, Seth just finished cramming math into my skull. FUNNNNNNNNNNNNN (not...) it made me laugh so hard he was so scared it was cute.
Day 42, Report Card-Art A, English French A, Math C :) YAYAYAYAY so gonna chill with chase he said he wanted to tell me something!!!!
PS Seth is pretty cool lol for a nerd but he's now my friend :)
Later...
Chase likes EMILY!!!! And wants me to hook him up with her :( I'm crushed D': whatever I'm gonna call Seth
Day 44, i heard Emily slept with Chase :( just to piss me off i don't care he's dead to me she's a whore!
Day 57, Progress Reports Art A, English French A, Math...B! I love Seth he's AWESOME!!! Movies tonight with Seth and everyone else :)
Day 69 (just for you Adrian :), Sooooooo i have something weird on my mind Seth the nerd. Has a GF and...I don't like it >.< there's nothing wrong with her i just don't like it...
Day 88, OK I LIKE SETH i don't careeee if he's a nerd he's sweet, kind, smart, funny, dorky!...but he still with HER...but i see him tomorrow
Day 89, they broke up...: D oh yeah Chase has been calling and texting nonstop i don’t care
Day 99, sooooo Chase grabbed my arm in the hallway pulled me to the side saying how sorry he was...how he missed me...sooo i took him back (even though he was never really mine but oh well!)
Day 107, i saw Seth he has been rather sad he won't talk to me...at all... :(
Day 127, i got a note from Seth....
Ebony opened the note it said:
Dear Ebony,
i know we haven't known each other long but i wanted to tell you I've liked since the first day in math you tripped and stood up and wen "I'M OK!!!!!" it made me smile then i got to know you really falling for after that. I know you're with Chase but i wanted to tell you. Anyway! the real reason I'm writing this note but you probably won’t see me after you read this...I'm moving...to London...England...well i guess this is good-bye I'm sorry...
Love forever your best friend,
Seth
Tears fell from Ebony's face she made a HUGE mistake so she called Chase
Chase: hello?
Ebony: hey...
Chase: baby what’s wrong?
Ebony: Seth moved...
Chase: sooo...
Ebony: HE’S MY BEST FRIEND!!!!
Chase: no he was just another nerd drooling over you.
Ebony: ...
Chase: i love you.
It was the first time he had ever said the but thoughts running though her mind *what do i say? I don't love him! I don't even remember why i like him!*
Ebony: my mom is calling me i have to go
Chase: OK calls me or text i wanna talk to you.
Ebony: OK
So Ebony tried calling Seth but it said his number had been disconnected
Day 128, I've been avoiding Chase all day but he found me. We talked he wants to have sex...i don't...
Day 139, soooo Chase had been cheating all along...with EMILY!!! wtfe i don’t care I'm breaking it off
Day 140, *crying* so i tried to break it off with Chase he yelled at me...pushed me...grabbed my arm sooo hard...i screamed it hurt he only tightened his grip on me and said "no one...NO ONE LEAVES ME!!!I leave them!" when he let go i ran he kept calling my name saying sorry...i just kept running...
Day 144, back at school hiding i don't want to see him. I'm so scared he's gonna hurt me. Idk who to go to...but he was out today...good...
Day 148, he was out all week. Mom is taking my phone got a call from a teacher saying i was doing poorly. Oh well...
Day 156, i cut today first time ever...it felt good...mom is worried about me but doesn't do anything...i wish someone would...
Day 159, Chase hit me in my stomach it hurt so bad...*tear* when will this end I'm cutting a lot and deep not on my arm but on my upper leg...
I got on my computer i had an IM from a screen name i didn't know...blueyes27
Ebony"hmmmmmm idk" she opens the IM
blueyes27: Ebony?
Lostlove: yeah? Who’s this?
blueyes27: we met awhile on a chat site...Daniel...
Lostlove: oh yeah! Hey! What’s up?
blueyes27: not much you?
Lostlove: ...same
blueyes27: so what do you do for fun>
lostlove: go to the movies, chill with friends, write, go to blackout. You?
blueyes27: same besides blackout lol.
Hey g2g bye Ebony Rose
Ebony Rose i never tell them Rose part of my name...hmmm he probably
asked sometime....
Day 163, schools almost over BARELY passing...Chase i think he hates me but i don't know why he stays...why can’t he just leave? He busted my lip today. I told my mom i walked into a door i don't think she believed me...i wish she didn't...
Day 180, last day of school i was in the bathroom stall then i heard Emily walk in with a friend she was talking about Chase how she only sleeps with him to get under my skin. I wanted to cry just cuz she would do THAT for those reasons! My lip is better my cuts...deeper than ever...I've been talking to Daniel more if Chase knew he'd kill me. I have a theory on love and here it is:
Love doesn't exist...love is suicide dressed in a person's skin. Love is meant to kill you to make you hate...
Day 1, first day of 10th grade year...all over again New Year funnnnnn...not...chase smokes got me to smoke to its pretty chill.
Day 7, gonna sneak out to smoke and party :)...
Later...
*tears* i couldn't find my clothes when i did my shirt was ripped my face red it hurt a lot!...i don't remember what happened i was lying in a random bed...i got dressed finally ran out the door i didn't know where i was or where i was going but somehow i made it home...mom didn't even know i was gone...wow...so i smoked some weed...
Day 9, everyone looked at me at school pointing laughing talking under their breath then stare at me like a freak chase didn't speak to me today sooo something good happened today
Day 17, so i heard what happened that night...2 guys paid Chase to let them mess with while i was drunk they spiked my drinks then had me...in front of everyone...i can’t stop crying...so i grabbed a blade sliced my arm open. I'm going to blackout...
Day 20, blackout was cool i tried some pills; speed very awesome...can’t wait to get more!
Day 27, i took some speed before school a teacher asked me if i was high i stood up looked at her went hell yeah you should try it sometime or get laid OR! both :) she wrote me up for being "a smart ass" well she said talking back...Chase is hitting me more...cutting more...mom stopped trying me...guess I'm broken and can’t be fixed...
Day 35, I'm going to overdose on sleeping pills my mom's no one cares everyone looks the other way they can’t see I'M KILLING MYSELF!!!!!!!!! And they're killing me the pain of them thinking I'm hopeless.
Dear mom,
I'm probably dead now. Cuz you’re always at work never home always taking my word I'm OK. Why can’t you push more...ask more...do more... oh you need to get a refill on your sleeping pills I'm using them all. What did you see when you looked me?...really...ask yourself that...but i do love you I'm sorry i just can’t go on like this. No one caring. Chase hitting me, crying myself to sleep, taking pills, cutting to get rid of the pain...I'm sorry...there is no love for me and no god to help me...
Your child, Ebony Rose
i took the pills not to long after i passed out...going in and out i could hear..."WE HAVE TO HURRY WE'RE LOSING HER!!!" guess mom came home early... they pumped my stomach my mom sitting next to me. I looked at her she looked 10 years older no makeup, still in work clothes her eyes bloodshot red...what did i do? Why?
Mom: go to sleep you need your rest we'll talk in the morning...
Day 36, i woke to my mom talking to the doctor and the nurse saying how i need "help" mom agreed they're sending me to an inpatient care place-thingy hmmm..Maybe i do...now mom knows everything.
Later,
They’re sending to Code Luna they house the worst apparently...sooo I’m the worst?...thanks...
Day 37, so when i got here i woke up to someone taking my blood...thanks great bedside manner I'm gonna be a wanna be vampire and take your blood nope not even that...then i had to eat upstairs cuz I'm not cleared to eat down stairs...ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...oh well...the took my BP (blood pressure) heart rate and i have to see the doctor everyday I'm there funnnn i can’t use the phone but who would i call anyway...Chase? I think not!
Day 39, I woke up to a CODE BLUE WING C (the boy's wing it means there's a fight) funnnn I was able to go to the caff for meals. We have group therapy I say nothing. Its official my life has crumbled...can I put the pieces back together? Can I let go of this pain I have...so many questions I have I break down crying I wouldn't tell why so the put me in the “quiet room” tomorrow my mom comes to talk to me and my social worker...funnn
Day 40, mom said she's pressing charges against Chase (much good that'll do) she said she didn't press on my issues cuz she didn't think they were as serious as they are. I believe her. She thought I was emotional cuz of Emily (no way in hell!) I think I'll talk to her this well be a long conversation. With many tears.
Day 45, doc says I've made progress so if I keep it up I can go home but do I
really want that? Idk...i guess I'll have to think about it...
Later...
some chick thought it's be funny to push me then hit me...i pushed her down got on top of her chest and started to punch her face to no end...the nurse pulled me off her after I heard faintly CODE BLUE WING F our wing I stopped swinging then she started I just laid there I didn't fight back...i took it she hit the nurses the pulled me off her both of us have to stay a little longer now...AND we have restrictions funnnn...
Day 60, going home today. Good I'm tired of having a new roommate every
two days...
Day 62, everyone has been asking where I've been I don't answer I just walk in a daze...what happens now? I accidentally said it out loud. I heard someone say you live. I know that voice. I turned around it was Seth!!!
Later,
He embraced me like there was no tomorrow. We were talking...Chase comes in :( I slipped Seth my number he didn't ask questions he took...quietly. I got my arm nearly pulled off after that but then when he hit me across the face I nearly passed out he hit me so hard but I saw people...running toward me...yelling at Chase then I passed out...
When I came to I was with my mom in a cop station. Yay... >_< I thought I was in trouble but I wasn't the cops were watching Chase to make sure he didn't hurt anyone... (they were kinda late on that) but they took pictures of my face and arm. Took my statement and arrested him.
Day 68, I'm happy...ish Chase is gone people are saying sorry...so is Emily...wow....well I'm going to Blackout with Seth be back later
Later,
Seth said he was proud of me :) for quitting the drugs, standing up for myself...i just wish I didn't have to go through all that to learn that I can tell my mom or someone else what’s going on....
Day 75, blueye27 I think he likes me...its kinda weird so I'm gonna stop talking to him...going to a movie with Seth <3 Toy Story 3 lol. Logging off.
Later,
so I come home from the movies and I have his on my offline
messages...
blueyes27: hey Ebony!
Blueyes27: ...
blueyes27: Ebony...
blueyes27: are you there?
blueyes27: Hello?
blueyes27: HELLO?!!!!
BUZZZZ
blueyes27: BITCH!!!!WHATS YOU'RE PROBLEM?!
blueyes27: look I'm sorry I just want to talk to you
blueyes27: IM me if ya can
blueyes27: guess not....
blueyes27: do you not like me anymore?
blueyes27: I thought we had something...i love you
blueyes27: I'm not a “creeper”
blueyes27: please...
blueyes27: OK I'll leave you alone now...
Day 79, I walked to school I felt like someone was watching me...
Day 84, a car was sitting outside the house today I told mom she walked out there to talk to them, but the drove off...
Day 89, Blackout with Seth :)
Later, OH MY GODDDD!!!!!....i was so scared!!!...
there was a pit I almost got hit in the face but Seth protected me, he is so different now looks...personality I love it! There was this creeper just staring at me it was awkward! Seth held me when I said I was cold and kisses me when I said I need something sweet :) I loved tonight :)
Day 73, Seth asked me out :) I'm so happy
Day 79, Date tonight movies
Later,
there was a car following us I thought but I think I'm imaging things...
Day 127, again at the police station...I'm finally home after 49 days...that crazy ass mofo held me after my date with Seth he took me when I was sleeping. I guess I was being watched and followed...his name was Daniel the creeper
blueyes27. He put his hand over my mouth saying he loved me. And not to fight I'll be safe so very so. He knocked me out with something sweet smelling. When I came to...i was in a grungy basement. There were cameras watching me...eat...sleep...change...i cried a lot the first few days...then on the brink of starvation he brings in food saying I need to be a good girl or I'll go without water, food, clothes...
one day he wanted to dress me up he started to take off my clothes he was drooling like he's never seen a naked body before. Then he stated “I'm a virgin I want you to change that...” I screamed to the top of my lungs for help he smacked me across the face and said till I can behave nothing for me...
i cried till i couldn't cry anymore he left me there for 4 days...then the door started to open...
the door opened slowly it was Daniel my heart dropped not the police, not my mom, not Seth...Daniel had a dress in his hand a white one...i was shaking...i let out a scream no one has ever heard...they told me i had died for 3 minutes but he but air in my lungs in the beginning i had wished he hadn't but after a while i came up with a plan to escape...
the days were going by slow. but every night when he thought i was asleep he shut up out the lights and I'd work on a piece of metal sharpening it against the bed.
on the 42nd day i was there he left the door open so i ran...almost made it out...but he pulled me back kicking and screaming...i had hoped someone heard me...but no one came...
the day i left the day i almost died... (again) he came in i charged at him with the sharpened metal blade stabbed him in the shoulder and ran... he got up screaming at me "GO YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH! YOU’LL NEVER FIND YOU'RE WAY OUT BEFORE I FIND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" i ran screaming for help no one heard...or so i thought apparently the next door neighbor had been reporting screams from this house i was in. i was running desperate to get out. then i ran into him too late to turn back he had me by my i was screaming i had let go of all my fears...ready to die but then i remembered everyone i love my mom, Seth, even Emily ii don't want to die...so i picked up the metal blade stabbed him in the lower leg. And ran like hell. I ran into someone tall I started to scream then they said “ma'am we're the police we're here to help you!” I stopped looked at them then started to cry in joy one woman took me out to get checked out by the EMT’s; I saw my mom and ran to her. I couldn't believe I had lived...my mom held me tight then behind out came Seth. I fell into his arms I felt like nothing could hurt me now. But Daniel ran outside pointed the gun at me everyone was screaming, getting down, then he fired hit me right in the chest it seem like forever when I finally fell to the ground. My mom and Seth were crying. They shot Daniel dead. I was rushed to the hospital...
I died twice that night...i was in a coma for the rest of my 10th grade year...i woke up to my own room I my mom had a baby monitor in my room I gasped next thing I know I hear her running up the stairs. She held me tight and called the doctor's I had to go in the check-up.
I worked hard over the summer to get to 11th grade before the summer was over. It all paid off tomorrow is the first day of 11th grade year with Seth :)
Day 1, I walked into class later my teacher told me everyone was meeting in the gym. So I walked there when I entered all I heard was “We honor Ebony Rose she's been through a lot the past few years! She's one of the people that will change the world”...next thing I felt someone touch my arm. It was Seth. I lowered my voice asking him “did you know about this?” Seth “yes now come on time to make a speech.” me “what?!” then I heard “NOW EBONY ROSE IS BACK!!!COME ON UP!!!” everyone was clapping and screaming then...they stood up clapping cheering! For me! I got up the Seth stood to the side. Then the chanted “SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH!!!”
I took in a deep breath and said: “life if funny...you know? You think you may like one person, but, they end up being the worst you can imagine. And the best can who you least expected. I used to think I was gonna be best friends with this one girl we would look at the stars together laughs talk about guys together. Now we've fallen apart...my mom...always there...my best friend Seth tears was there for everything got me clean, there visiting me through coma, and there when the police raided that man's house...i guess what I'm trying to say is you might not think it'll happen to you...but it might...live everyday like it’s your last...have no regrets...leave nothing undone...”
everyone stood up and clapped.
Day 2, Emily came up to me today...she said sorry...and REALLY meant it! I wanted to cry...
Day 6, I guess things are getting back to normal. But I don't know what normal is anymore...i don't think I've had in the last few years...mom wants me to see a councilor...i think I will...seeing Seth tomorrow.
Day 7, (in the morning about 3) i woke up screaming I'm having nightmares...getting shot...being back with that crazy man...i just wanna feel safe...
Later,
i saw Seth he says he's worried about me. i would be to...
Day 10, haven't slept since that nightmare but I'm gonna tonight...
Day, 11 i slept OK...
Day27, movies with Seth therapist tomorrow...
Day, 28 soooooooo her name is Ashley it was odd... more later
Day 49, I’m passing all my classes more important matter Seth said he loved
me...willed be like last time...
Day 56, I'm pulling away can he tell? i don't think soo...
Day 64, i got a letter from Seth,
Dear Ebony,
i love you i really do. I'm not asking to change...I’m not asking for sex...i don't want you to leave me...but i won’t try and stop you if you really do wanna leave...but know this i said i love you is cuz i care about you MORE THAN ANYONE! your funny when you try not to be, you’re so beautiful without any effort, my heart stops when i see you, this is real you fill my heart I LOVE YOU I'd do ANYTHING for you. please what do i have to do to keep you? so write me a note back or something...i love you...
as i finished reading that i picked up my phone and dialed his number...
ring...ring...ring...ring...hi you've reached Seth can't come to the phone leave a message I'll get back to you!...Beep...
i called 3 more time no answer...i left him a message saying call me...is it too late?...
about 12am my phone rang...i was too tired to get up...
Day 65, it was Seth who called me...I'm gonna call him back...
ring...ring...ri...hello?
Me: hey...
Seth: hey...so I guess you got my note...
Me: yeah...
Seth: look if it makes you uncomfortable I won’t say I lo
Me: I Love You!
Seth: what?!
Me: i love you...
Seth: really? I don't want to push into saying it
Me: no...you're not I love you...i always have it's just I was scared to say it...
Seth: why?
Me: cuz I don't want to be like HIM...
Seth: I'm not
Me: I know that...now I just had to think and then I realized you're NOTHING like him...
Seth: well I have to go...baby...so you mind if I called you baby...
Me: no I would love if you did :)
Seth OK baby love you bye...
Me: love you to bye...
Day 65, Seth is taking me to a Bullet For My Valentine concert :)))
Day 69, i got a single black rose as i closed my locker door Seth was there saying it’s my name but I'm much more beautiful
Day 77, i got a note today not from Seth but from Emily...
Dear Ebony,
I'm sorry for everything i really i am i don't expect you to just forgive me I've been wrapped around in my own world. being popular, looking good, and being at the "cool table". you were my friend i should have seen what was going on. but i didn't...i want to be friends again i know i might take time but please...a second chance? i know we won’t have what we had but i want something close to it. but it’s up to you...i wont screw up again...promise...you know i never break my promises...i just don't want to say good-bye...
Love Emily,
wow...
Day 78, i saw Emily in the hallway so i walked toward her then her friends started to whisper and laugh so i turned away thinking i can’t believe i was gonna give her a second chance but in that very moment i heard her say "WTF guys!" i looked at Emily "...she's been through a HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN YOU GUYS!!!soo shut-up she's my friend...if she'll let me be it..." the red head was like "EMILY!!! she's a loser...if you hang with her you’re not cool and cant chill with us..." Emily "no you're not cool this chick is..."..."WHATEVERRRR..."
Emily and i made up became friends again we're working on trust...but i think we'll be ok... :) Seth saw the whole thing and gave Emily a hug. :) i missed her...
Day 89, Emily and i are good i heard Chase might be getting out for good behavior :(
Day 100, he's out and back :( oh no
Day 103, heyyyy soo i think i want to take it to the next step with Seth :) i think i will. i just don't know when.
Day 127, hey sorry i haven't written in a while I'm see Seth tonight :) if things go to plan maybe more will happen...
Day 128, tonight was so romantic sitting by the fire, kissing, tickling each other than...we we're play fighting and Seth tripped of a log by the fire and broke his foot...
Day 139, foot still broken... but he's treating like nothing else in the world matters <3 it makes me sooo happy <3
Day 167, i think it will happen soon :)
Day 179, tomorrow is the last day of school Seth wants to see my after school
tomorrow he says he has something planned for me :)
Day 180, schools over time to go to Seth's I can’t wait :))))
Later,
so i got there. there were candles everywhere. roses petals showing a path. i followed the petals he was standing by the fire...he looked at me and started to walk toward me. i started to say "sooo...what so you plan..." he kisses me like it was our very first kiss so much passion...i loved...he messaged my back for what seemed like forever kissing my back...hahaha I'm not gonna say much else I'm gonna sleep it was a good day...good night...i no longer have my V-Card lol night!
Day 1, Senior Year Emily and i are tighter than ever! Seth and i...i love him...i really do think i want to spend the rest of my life with him...i don't feel to good so I'm gonna go have my face meet a bowl or something. Blahhhhhhhhh
Day 3, letters I've getting telling I was wrong about Chase I'm a lying bitch. I'm feeling sick again I feel sick ALL the time...i think it's cuz of the letters. I don't know what else it could be.
Day 7, I saw Chase in town he gave me dirty looks :( oh well! I haven't been sick in days :) but I'm getting fatter :( eating too much...
Day 15, it just doesn't feel real. Senior year...Emily...Seth...everything is great I won't let HIM ruin it >.< like Bullet For My Valentine says in their song Bittersweet Memories:
So rip my pictures from your wall
Tear them down and burn them all
Light the fire and walk away
There's nothing left to say so
Take the ashes from the floor
Bury them to just make sure
That nothing more is left of me
Just bittersweet memories
Day 27, I'm worried I feel like I'm being watched again so I told mom. She locks all the doors and everything like that. Sick again.
Day 64, I have a bad feeling I don't know why...
Day 89, I think Chase is stalking me but I have no proof.
Day, 107, Seth thinks he's being watch to so I'm not crazy....or we both are...
Day 127, it started out as any other day...
I was getting out of Seth's car talking, laughing...i got into school kissing Seth good-bye I felt something hard hit my head I fell to the ground. I passed out when I came to people were running and screaming. Seth was being dragged by his arm he was yelling at me to run I was too scared to move...Emily picked me up but before we could get was the school was locked down! By the guys taking over it...they put the remainder of us which was about 15 of us in coat closet (this school is about 100 years old...) no windows, one door, 3 guys with guns...i hate school. We heard the cops approach the school. To make everything worse I'm have BAD cramps...one of the gunmen took off his ski mask...it was Chase...he got close in my face and said “bitch you thought you had it bad then just WAIT!!!...” the cops called my phone he took it >.< he talked all of 5 seconds...we were held there for 6 hours before we got food and water...then the cop said something to make Chase let everyone go...except for Emily...Seth...and me...
2 more hours later...
they want to leave I can tell next thing I know they're holding a gun to our heads telling us to get up...we did...they walked with us in front...it took me a minute to figure out they were using as human shields...we got to the parking lot the was a lot of yelling “PUT DOWN THE GUN!!!”...”MOVE AND THEY DIE” all I thought is dead anyway...so while he was distracted I stomped on Chase's foot and ran. I heard him cock his gun i heard two shots fired Emily ran toward me. And fell right in front of me...i turned back...then I saw the blood...Chase bleed to death for the gunshot wound...the other to give up...while I was screaming for help crying my eyes out...then I felt something...
pain like I've never felt before...Emily and I were rushed to the hospital...
I was having my baby girl her name Emily...i have to get an emergency C-Section I never even thought I was...pregnant we were safe a condom but not a 100% I guess...they wouldn't tell me about Emily if she was dead or what...Seth was ok....thank god. I love my beautiful baby girl...Emily...the doctor says she's a month early so she's lucky...like me.
She died had her whole life ahead of her...*crying* she was my best friend...
2 weeks later...
I went Emily's funeral with a single black rose and a note...just for...her....
her mom came up to me I thought she was gonna scream and yell how it was my fault but instead she gave me the necklace I bought for her when we started high school a Best Friends Forever one :) I want to cry...but my little Emily was sleeping...i said thank you I will always have her in my heart my little Emily is named after her...
-Andrea R.