Please Don't Go - June 5, 2011

Sarah looked at the boy standing in front of her, who happened to be her current boyfriend of five months. Today was their five month anniversary. She choked back a tear that threatened to fall from her weakening eyes. She was crushed, emotionally and physically. She looked behind her shoulder, torturing herself once more. There sat her first love, her first kiss, her first boyfriend, her so called best friend. He sat there, making out with a girl that she was told to be his fiancé, also who she had originally thought to be his ex-girlfriend. Tears flooded her eyes, even with her efforts of getting stopping, they wouldn’t. They blinded her eyesight. Her brain flooded with imagery that she couldn’t force out, and before she knew it, her brain was imprinted with the image of them kissing.

Her throat made a strange sound, almost a strangled cry from within. She forced herself to look away, into the eyes of her curious yet disappointed boyfriend. She took a step forward, making herself stand next to her boyfriend, and then turning to look at him, into his deep chocolate brown eyes. He took one look at her, and walked right out of the restaurant, following the red carpet that lay luxuriously on the floor. She started to follow him but then heard a deep voice speak up from behind her. She froze on that one spot, unable to function properly.

“Sarah?” the voice said, getting louder.

She jumped into action as her brain somewhat re-functioned; leading herself out of the restaurant same as Josh had done just a matter of minutes ago. Tears flowed freely on the face, eyeliner running down slightly. She started running through the crowded area outside the restaurant, running into a nearby park. It was night-time, so the stars came were out, and all else was quiet apart from the distant sounds of the city life. She found an unoccupied bench and forced her feet there.

As she sat down, she heard the voice again. “Sarah...” the voice trailed off, almost having a pleading tone to their voice.

Sarah looked up, into the same eyes she fell in love with years ago. She took a deep breath, wiping the remaining tears on her flushed cheeks and spoke up. “What?”

He stood quiet, watching her intently, making her feel slightly uncomfortable. She looked away.

“How are you..?” He said after a while of quietness.

Sarah looked back at him, her mouth wide open with shock. “How am I?” She said with a voice filled with disbelief. “You’re going to ask me how I am.”

His face held confusion and his voice held hesitation. “...yes...” he said, as if unsure of himself.

She took a deep breath, allowing herself to calm down, and having a mental talk with herself. “I’m fine, thank you.” She said, as politely as she possibly could.

He once again held the look of confusion on his face. “That’s good... how’s life going?”

It was as if something inside of her snapped when he said those last few words. “How’s life going? You want to know after five years of not talking to me? Fine I’ll tell you best friend” Sarah said, emphasizing the words best friend with her voice. “My boyfriend probably hates me now because he saw me cry over another boy that shouldn’t even matter to me but still does. My own family would rather give the side of their boy, then their own relative. My parents are disappointed in me for not doing what they wanted me to do. And the fact that seeing you with another girl, still tears me up inside.” She took a deep breath. “How’s that for an answer.” Sarah let a few tears spill down her cheeks again, and got up from the bench she formerly occupied.

“You broke my heart, your promise, and you lost your best-friend.” She told him, finally getting the closure that she needed and yearned for. “You lost me the day you went off to university. You drifted off, and you left me behind.” She took a deep breath, having the emotion cloud over her entire body. “I waited and waiting, hoping that someday you’d realize that I never got over you. I held on to the tiniest hope possible for you, and what happened? You still broke my heart and left me to pick up the pieces. And now when I’ve finally found someone that cares and loves me more than you ever could, you come back into my life.” She stepped away from him, the emotion being too strong for her to handle anymore.

“Sarah, you drifted away from me! I wanted to hold on but you became independent, you had a whole new life. I didn’t and couldn’t come between that. You didn’t need me anymore...” he said, putting her in complete shock.

“I didn’t need you?” Sarah asked him, confused and hurt. “I needed you the most at that point Matt and you were never there. Either it was parties or dates or homework. Whatever it was, you chose them over me all the time and I had, had enough. I wasn’t anybody’s second choice! Not yours and certainly not anybody else’s.” Tears now fell openly. She didn’t want to hide it anymore, not that she even could.

She took another step back, putting as much distance between them as she possibly could. He started to take a step towards her but she raised her hand, signalling him to stop. She gave a silent thankful prayer to God, because she knew if he had taken a few more steps, she would have gone with whatever he had left to say.

“Sarah! Listen to me for once in your freaking life. You moved on way before I did. I was there remember? I was there any time you needed me. It didn’t matter that there was an entire ocean between us, because we were and always will be a best friends. We’ve known each other for so many years; you know every secret about me. I know I didn’t talk to you for five years. Trust me; these were five long years without having my best friend to tell anything and everything to. I didn’t have anyone to annoy or swear at. Because I could only do that with you! I love you with everything in me still, but I know that it’s too late for us. I wish it wasn’t but it is...” he drifted off. “I’m getting married in two weeks Sarah, and I know I should have invited you. Hell I wanted to so bad. But I knew you wouldn’t care.” He said, looking away at a nearby runner.

Sarah stared at him for a while before speaking. “I do care.” she said honestly, making him look back at her. “I do care, and I always will. That's something I can’t change. And if you had invited me, I would have come.” She told him while looking straight into his eyes.

A slight smile grew on his face. “Well then, would you like to come to my wedding Sarah?” he asked.

Again, Sarah stayed quiet before speaking; she looked at him, and then looked away and started walking away. After she got to a distance where he wouldn’t be able to hear her clearly, she took out her phone, hoping and praying that he still had the same number. She typed in her answer and continued walking away, out of the park.

Matt stood still for a long time. He couldn’t figure out what had just happened. He asked Sarah a question and she had walked away. What did that mean? Was that a yes? Or no...? Numerous questions ran through his head, none of which he could answer.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, shaking him out of his trance. He took his iPhone out of his pocket, seeing he had a message. It was a one word answer from an unknown number. He scrunched his eyebrows as he opened the message. The one word was ‘No’. He thought for a moment before realizing who it was. He bit his lower lip, unable to know what to do. It was Sarah, and he knew it.

He ran his finger through his medium length brown, almost straight, hair out of frustration. He had given up five years ago. He no longer knew what to do, so he did what he did best. Walk away.

Sarah walked into her apartment like a zombie. Her makeup was smudged, her eyes swollen from crying, her life slowly tearing into pieces. She headed straight for her bathroom, slowly taking off her clothes, and slipping into the shower. She let the warm water run down her face finding it soothing. She felt as if that could mend her aching soul. A while later she stepped outside, wearing a baggy, but cosy, grey shirt with her favourite pyjamas. She went to her living room and sat on the comfy couch. At first she sat crossed legged, her back completely straight. Slowly the events of the day came back to haunt her and she felt tears coming.

She heard the doorbell ring and quickly wiped the tears that had remained on her bare cheeks. She got up from the couch, smoothening out her pyjamas while doing so. She took a deep breath when she reached the door, forgetting to check the eye hole, but remembering once she had already opened the door. There stood Josh.

As soon as the door had opened, Josh started babbling. “Okay, I know that you’ve known him longer. He was your first boyfriend, first kiss and blah, blah. But I’m your present, and hopefully your future. I may be very understanding, but Sarah...” he took a hold of her hand before continuing. “I love you more than anything or anyone else in this world. I don’t know what else to do to prove that to you. I’ll always be here for you, through thick and thin because I need you.” Josh became quiet suddenly, looking closely at Sarah’s face.

Sarah composed herself in front of Josh for a while. A smile broke out on her face as she brought her hands up to cup josh’s face. “You’re a silly boy, you know that.” She brought her face up to his and softly pecked his lips with hers, feeling sparks run through her body. It wasn’t the same as what she had, had with Matt, but somehow it was better. She smiled broader at josh, knowing she had finally made one right decision in her life.

“I would choose you over him any day sweetheart, and I just did because you mean more to me than he ever could.” And with that, he leaned down and gave her a kiss that sent shivers down her spine.

-Sania Sahgal