Dear to me - March 1, 2011

This is it, this is the one, why is it here
in this place. Wrapped in a bow creased with stain
the last letter he'd sent to me, he'd left my school,
that boy was moving away from me, told me
The letter, leave you a letter before I'm gone. I'll hide it for you in the tallest rosebush you can't reach. So you'll remember me.
it wasn't there. blown off it's perch in the dirt of collage ground
now all I had of him was gone because I've found it
it smells dusty, old- and there's a faint trace
of him, in it's encrusted tired welcoming layers
but maybe that's just a whim
but the letters nearly gone, now skin of a tree than paper to be
I flipped it over and over again.
in my stupid trembling hand
shook my head devistatingly.
it's been soaked in rain, trashed, and frayed and thawed
likely it hasn't been mawed
I can't read what it says
what does it say?!
the wind blows my brown hair but I woun't move, insistent on reading it.
I thumb off a bit of dirt, starring near
to hear
"My dear cost, my heart to me"
"Please don't open me: Josh"
in my head, on the page
in weary words warned with a breath, ancient reminders
I am the finder...but I can't open it, yet
I'm about to then I see his face
I feel disgrace, pushing it momentarily away
time does it's thing
still I keep it with me, always,
Josh, My Josh. why wouldn't he be here?
dreaming, teeming with stubborness
hoping, wondering, dozen-dozes of thoughts
so stupid-anxious
then the wide package spills over,
lifted by my hand, me not paying mind were I'm heading, hit by a accidental nudge of another backpack
in the hall
time stops
it crushes in the fall, it's all it takes
it's contents spill over the broken seal
I stop
i'm nocked off my socks
dozen's of deep dead red roses
spill over!
I lean over the mess
a note encumbered there, just a little postcard!- I pluck it out
his tiny writing! oh my gosh!
as my classmates hurry to class
my face ash white
already browned with hot suns and smelling of rose
"Knew you'd open it somehow. Sorry, love, but just a bit longer.-
Making it last a bit longer for us. Seriously...Anyway.
Yeah, Toni said hi. Don't know why he keeps pestering me...*Anyway-
You are my bead. Me greed. I'd share my poptart with you. But babe you've got to get a life or find me. I know you. So I know you can."
So I walk out the room,
leaving the flowers in the floor but one
to go to find him.
because I've got to find him

-Pinquill