Child Warriors - January 3, 2011

Seventy children,

Going a war,

Weapons in hand,

Ready to fight.

 

Fourty-two children,

Fighting a war,

Hoping for an end,

Continue onward.

 

Twenty-seven children,

Fighting a war,

Morn for their brothers,

Dead and gone.

 

Eleven children,

Ending a war,

Hoping for an end,

Fight 'til the finish.

 

One child,

Stands alone.

 

One child had the sense to hide,

While the rest formed alliances to kill the others.

Once the greatest allance was all that was left,

They fought within themselves,

Until they were gone too.

 

The one came out of hiding,

Only to see death and dispare,

He wondered how this had become,

of his generation.


He went to the adults and said,

"All the children are dead!"

They only laughed and replied,

"You must be mistaken my child."

The one cried out in agony,

"You don't believe? Well come and see!"

And they saw, saw it all.

 

The child asked why the adults,

Encouraged such behavior,

And they said they did no such thing.

"Yes you did! Can't you see?"

And he turned on the TV.

 

Each generation had gotten worse,

And it was the one child's who would be the last.

 

-Gregory

Child Warriors - Gregory

Date: 01/03/2011

By: Himedal

Subject: Impressive

Nice try. very beautiful but I have a suggestion. I think it is better to change "Fight 'til the finish". "Fight to the end" flows better in my opinion. And the second part of your poem has long lines. it is not bad at all but if you try to shorten them like the first part, it would better.
Such a great poem it is. The imagery is magnificent. If I were there when the child asked that question, i would be shocked. I would never have an answer. keep up.

Date: 01/04/2011

By: Gregory

Subject: Re: Impressive

Thanks for the tip, but I think I will leave it the way it is for now. Thanks for reading.

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