Barely Breathing - June 6, 2011

I stood there watching the love of my life, locking lips with another guy. She left me, telling me that her love for me was gone, the spark was gone. She didn’t know that when she left, she made me fall into tiny pieces. I had become an excuse of a man, even desperate at times. I fall into shock every time she gets near me, yet she seems unaffected, whenever our paths seem to cross, which happens too often nowadays.

I was a 25 year old man named Sean and she was a 24 year old beautiful woman named Marissa. I gave her everything. My time, my life, my loyalty and what did I get in return? Her leaving me for some other guy, who seemed to be perfect for her, too perfect making me wonder if he really was who he was brought out to be. Marissa and I worked in the same company, same department, under the same boss.

I walked into work one morning, unaware of the shift that would be taking place later on that day. As I walked in, I located my desk and made my way towards it, stopping a couple times to say hello to people. Her office happened to be right next to mine, lucky me. As I got comfortable in my office room, I heard the door open and the shut. Looking up I found her blue eyes, connecting with mine, instantly all the feelings rushing back. I groaned so quietly, it was barely audible. She walked up and sat on one of the black leather chair across from my desk, looking as calm as ever. I cursed under my breath as I wondered how she managed to look so calm.

“Jim’s called a meeting with the two of us; he wants us there right now.” She told me calmly.

Jim was our boss, who was retiring soon since he wanted to be with his wife and children more often and not worry about travelling so often.

I nodded at her in acknowledgement, getting up from my seat as I neatly put away the papers I had gotten out. I followed her out of my room and down the hallway into Jim’s office.

We knocked on the door to be called from inside. “Come in” Jim’s voice yelled from inside.

We entered the room, unaware of the event that was about to unfold and sat down on the two opposite chairs from Jim.

“Alright, I know this is quite short notice but you two are the best out of all of them and I need you to put your brains together and work together.” He said, taking turns to look at either of us. “You’ll need to go to London, possibly stay in the same hotel room because of the cutting back and what not. But I want you guys to research about what couples over there like? And I know what you’re thinking. What does this have to do with the company? It does, my wife suggested it and I don’t want to hear any argument from the either of you. So pack your bags, you leave tomorrow morning.” He said smiling and returned to doing his work, which was his way of telling us to get out of his office now.

We walked out of the office in a daze, wondering what had just happened. We walked in day dream as we each walked into our offices.

The next day

We walked into the airport together, as we had shared a cab, which was another order from Jim. As we kept our distance, we stood in line, waiting for our turn to check in. We checked in together, the check in lady smiled a genuine smile at us, not one of those fake I-want-to-get-out-of-here smiles. I saw Marissa smile back at the lady.

“Here you go” the check in lady said, as she handed us our passports and boarding passes.

“Thank you” we both said in unison, looking at each other as we did so and then looking away abruptly. The lady flashed us another one of her smiles as we turned around and walked away. Passing through security, sitting at the gate, sitting in the plane for the six hour flight from Chicago to London, without a word to one another, we went.

A couple days passed as I sat in the sitting area of the hotel apartment that we had been living in. We had managed to ignore each other as much as we could, even though it hurt me to be so near her and not be able to hold her in my arms. I gave up trying to get near her, as I wanted her happy and if she was happy with ‘Him’ I would respect her opinion.

I walked into my hotel bedroom, passing by Sean watching the television in order to do so. He looked so handsome sitting in his faded denim jeans with a low cut white t-shirt. I looked away hastily as I walked into my room, forgetting to shut the door behind me. I sat on the bed, staring at my blackberry. I heard a ringing suddenly sound, and realized the hotel phone in my room had started ringing. I picked it up quickly.

“Hello?” I said, to the phone.

“Hi darling” I heard my mom say, in her soothing mom voice.

“Hey Mom, how are you?” I asked her, feeling as if it had been too long since I had talked to her.

“I’m alright honey, how are you?” she asked, as if she was gearing me up for something.

“I’m okay, could be better. Is everything okay mom?” I asked curiously.

“Hmm, I heard you’re there with that Sean boy” she said, instantly making me realize why she was calling.

“Nothing’s going to happen mom.” I told her.

“I trust you, you’re my daughter.” She told me, as I heard her slightly smile.

I thought back two three years ago when Sean and I first met and instantly fell in love. I remembered distinctly how my mother had not liked him. I became curious. “Mom, can I ask you something?” I asked her.

“Sure honey, anything.” She replied.

“Why did you never like Sean?” I asked her.

I heard her sigh and then take a pause before she spoke again. “Honey, it’s not that I didn’t like him, he was and probably still is a good guy I just...” she trailed off as she gathered her thoughts. “You were 20 when you met him, you had already moved away from home and you’re my only daughter, I felt like you were drifting away from us. And I didn’t like that, plus you know me and his mother never got along. When you brought him home for Christmas, he was perfect, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect heart, I just didn’t know if I could trust him, knowing his mother. I just didn’t want you to get hurt my dear.” She finished off with another heartfelt sigh.

“In the end I still got hurt mom” I said as I felt tears coming.

“Don’t cry honey. Did you ever talk to him about it?” she asked, concerned at her daughters well-being.

I heard deep breathing coming from the phone, but thinking it was my mother, I ignored it. “No” I told her in a voice that was barely a whisper.

“You should never have listened to his mother” she said, as I could see her shaking her head while talking. “The nerve of that woman to bribe you into breaking up with her son, I can bet you she photo-shopped that picture of him kissing another girl just to get you to break up with him. I loathe women like that.” My mother told me, as I half smiled at her concern.

I heard someone walk into my room, stomping. I turned to look around and almost dropped the phone as I saw him standing there, looking enraged. I swallowed loudly as I talked into the phone, not taking my eyes off of him.

“Mom, I have to g-go.” I told her as I said good-bye and shut the phone.

“How could you not tell me?” he yelled at me, furiously tangling his hand in his brown adorable hair.

“Not tell you what?” I asked him, not comprehending what he was going on about.

“My mother bribing you” He shouted again.

I stood there dumbstruck, as I realized he had heard. He wasn’t supposed to have ever found out; I started to panic as I had not thought about this happening...ever.

“Well...” he trailed off. “I want an answer Marissa” he said, fuming.

“I d-didn’t think you’d care” I told him, shaking as I realized I was scared of him.

His face softened as he realized he had scared me and came to stand next to me. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said, putting an arm around my shoulders to comfort me.

“Well you did, Sean.” I said, wiping a lonely tear that had fallen on my cheek.

“And I’m sorry for doing that” he told her, rubbing my upper arm for comfort. “But why didn’t you talk to me first” he asked me again, with softened voice.

“Because, I loved you and you were gone for so long that I couldn’t help but wonder what you were doing and then you’re mother shows up at my mom’s house and shows me a picture of you and another girl kissing. It was all framed and I remember seeing a framed picture in your room, but you had turned in down and wouldn’t let me see. So I jumped to conclusions and assumed you were cheating on me.” I said, pausing to take a breath. “I didn’t take the money from your mother, I’m not greedy. But I was shocked when she did that, I mean I know she didn’t like me but I didn’t realize how much.” I told him, fresh tears appearing from the sides of my eyes.

“Do you still love me?” he asked her, his voice hoarse from the emotion in him.

I looked up at his questioning eyes to find myself get lost in them. “I never stopped” she whispered to him, looking down at his lush lips.

I felt him leaning in slowly, and I felt my heart racing up with emotion. This felt so wrong, yet still so right. I couldn’t stop him and I knew it. I leaned up as well, shortening the distance between us. Our lips touched lightly as first, getting used to one another again. Slowly his hand travelled down my slender figure and rest on the middle of my back. I felt him pull away slightly, catching his breath before speaking.

“That picture in my room was of you and me. I didn’t want to freak you out by telling you that I had a picture of us together in my room so I just turned it down. You were the last thing I saw before going to sleep and the first thing I saw in the mornings.” He said, looking at my lips, smiling. “And I always want it to be like that”

I smiled as the image of that thought popped up in my head. I realized I had never told him something. “I don’t have a boyfriend” I told him, smiling.

“Really?” his face lit up completely.

I nodded my head up at him as I saw him rush out of the room quickly. I stood there confused at what had just happened. In a matter of seconds he rushed back in, kneeling on his knees in front of me.

“Marissa Quinn, will you do me the honour of marrying me?” he asked me, as tears of joy filled my eyes.

I nodded fanatically at him. “Of course I will” I told him, smiling uncontrollably. He smiled up at me as he put a circular thing on my finger. I looked down; surprised at first then a smile broke out on my face. I raised my eyebrows at him. He let out a small chuckle.

“I didn’t exactly know I’d be doing this so I didn’t really get a ring so for now, I think a hula-hoop will do” his chuckle was joined by my giggle, as he led me to the bed, kissing me on my lips and his hands trailed down to the top button of my shirt. “You’ll be Mrs. Marissa Langley in no time.”

-Sania Sahgal